Dark and Stormy: 48 Hours in Bermuda.
We had Thursday all planned out.
At 7pm we said goodbye to the kids. We would attend the One Israel Fund BBQ in Lawrence and then go back to my parents’ house to sleep. The kids would be sleeping when we got back, and would still be sleeping when the Uber came to pick us up Friday morning at 600AM to take us to the airport for our 7:30AM flight. We would land in Bermuda at 1030am and be on the beach by 1130am.
As they say, Man Plans, God Laughs. Or in our case….
We did say goodbye at 7PM. The BBQ was great and we didn’t get back to my parents’ house until around 10PM, at which point we found the kids were still very much awake, in bed, but bouncing off the walls. Actually getting the girls to go to sleep took at least an hour, and then of course Hallie came in at 3AM, because of course she did. We woke up at 5:30AM exhausted, but ready to slip out. That was when we received the email from Jet Blue that our flight had been delayed from 7:26 AM to 9:57 AM. For some reason both girls were up, and while we didn’t need to rush we also wanted to get out before we needed to do breakfast, so around 8:00AM we called an Uber, said goodbye (again) and headed to JFK.
For possibly the first time in our lives (definitely the first in our married lives) we’re not checking any bags. I know, shocking. Having already checked in and with boarding passes on our phones we went straight through security and were in the terminal with about an hour and a half until our scheduled departure time, which wouldn’t have been that bad except the delays just kept coming. We mobile ordered Starbucks and still waited 30 minutes for it. About 5 minutes after I got it, I spilled the entire coffee on the floor. It was a sad moment. We wanted to get hard boiled eggs at the Farmers Fridge machine but they were out, except then a man came and refilled the machine with eggs, and as soon as he walked away Tzvi tried to buy the eggs but the machine was broken and wouldn’t dispense the eggs. The hits just kept on coming.
Eventually we got an avocado toast at one of the airport cafes, which we ate while we waited to board. Tzvi was the very first person on the plane, which gave him a lot of joy. I think we finally took off at 11am. We had even more space seats so we’re in row 2. We observed the other passengers around us and wondered if any of them would be at our hotel. Behind us was a couple from Long Island – we knew because they kept saying it – who kept coughing, but not a sick cough, more of a vape cough. They were obnoxious and so crass. Everything was F this and F that. Charming.
The flight was fine. I watched Les Mis, because I felt les mis, and Tzvi made himself a gin and lime seltzer (because we get free alcohol with our Mosaic status). We landed around 2:30PM Bermuda time (Bermuda is an hour ahead of NY), a full 3 and a half hours after we were supposed to land and 30 minutes after our scheduled snorkeling cruise. Thanks Jet Blue.
We were among the first off the plane so there was no line at customs, and we didn’t have to wait for baggage claim, so we made it out quickly and hopped in a cab.
The ride to the hotel was about 10 minutes. Bermuda is beautiful and it felt so nice to be back. We haven’t been here since 2015 when I was pregnant with Hallie. It’s just such a clean island. This weekend is Cup Match weekend which is apparently a big deal in cricket where two Bermuda teams play each other in celebration of emancipation. We asked the taxi driver when emancipation was. He wasn’t too sure but thought it was 1909.
We pulled up to our hotel, the Rosewood Bermuda. Loyal readers will recall our previous stays at Rosewood Mayakoba and Rosewood Baha Mar. Before you say we only stay at Rosewood’s I’ll correct you – we also like the Four Seasons.
The hotel is beautiful and evokes classic Bermuda charm, which is to say it reminds me of British colonialism. The lobby was decorated for cup match with red and blue flags representing the two teams. At check in we saw at least four other couples from our flight, basically everyone who was sitting in the extra space seats. We checked in and went to our room, an ocean-view king room which turned out to be a corner room with a massive terrace overlooking the whole hotel and the ocean.
Tzvi made us move as fast as we could into beach attire so we could make the most of the time we had left in the day. We headed down and boarded the 5 minute shuttle to the beach. We’re not really sure what the deal is with the beach – it’s a beach club and it seems to be open to outside members, but it’s also part of the hotel. The chairs are ok, but the beach is of course beautiful. We ordered some lunch – I had a quinoa tofu salad and Tzvi had a fish sandwich with fries. We went in the water, slept on the lounge chairs and just relaxed. We left the beach around 6:15 and went back to the hotel to shower and change for dinner. We met some Peloton people (riders, not instructors) on the shuttle and discussed rides. We’re everywhere.
We sat out on the balcony a little bit. When we got to our room there was a cake waiting for us for Tzvi’s birthday (which is coming up in a few weeks…). It was actually delicious and perfect for Tzvi as I think it was a coffee mouse cake. From our balcony we can see the whole hotel, one of the pools and the harbor. Looking down at the pool we heard a familiar coughing and saw the Long Islanders from the plane. Oh good. They’re here too. Unsurprisingly they were vaping, working on that cough.
Shabbat started around 8 so we got some pictures before, and then went to our dinner at the Island Brasserie, the main restaurant at the hotel.
The restaurant was really nice, but we opted to sit outside and watch the sun set over the ocean. The setting is amazing – you’re basically in the middle of this lush forest and the sounds of the birds and who knows what else are in the trees are almost deafening, but also peaceful. We started with cocktails, which were just okay (because we are cocktail snobs now), and then a bread basket which was pretty good. For appetizers Tzvi had a goat cheese crème brulé, which was exactly what it sounds like – a pad of goat cheese that was bruléed, and served with beets and tempura fried asparagus. I had beetroot carpaccio, which was thinly sliced beets with tofu, asparagus and dried tomatoes. We both enjoyed. For mains we shared a salmon curry and a tuna steak with pineapple salsa. Both were really good, but the curry was especially delicious and something we don’t usually eat. Before dessert a cockroach flew onto the umbrella that was above it (yes, apparently cockroaches can fly), so that was pretty disgusting. Our server killed it. It was a nice way to begin dessert. For dessert we shared a warm chocolate cake and a “bread pudding,” which was good, but was no Raglan Road. Actually, the best thing was the vanilla ice cream that came with the cake, which was amazingly creamy.
After dinner we walked around and ended up at the Conservatory (the lobby bar) for after dinner drinks. Tzvi got straight rum and I got a Kahlua, Baileys and cream. It was delicious. Tzvi enjoyed his rum, which was aged in bourbon barrels that were put in a boat to sail out to the Bermuda triangle and back, so the rum can swoosh around in the barrels and also take on the saltiness from the sea air, but really it’s so that they can charge $20 more for the bottle and say it’s been to the Bermuda triangle. The bartender was named Izzy. She was great, and told us she’s been there for two years and that there’s one bartending school on the island, but Rosewood actually trained her. We also asked her when emancipation was. She wasn’t too sure but thought it was in the ’40s. Well that’s definitely not right.
While sitting at the bar we observed the other hotel guests. It seems like almost everyone here is from New York or Connecticut. We ended up chatting with the man sitting next to us. He was kind of like Norm from Cheers; he was clearly a regular and was in his usual seat at the bar. Turns out he’s in reinsurance (a huge industry in Bermuda) and said he has a timeshare in the hotel and comes twelve times a year. We actually had a very nice chat with him, talking about everything from the Jets (he said we need to start getting fitted for our Super Bowl rings) to politics. I feel like we rarely meet people from NYC who aren’t super liberal, so it was an interesting conversation.
On the other side of the bar were the obnoxious Long Islanders. They seemed to be telling everyone they met, “We’re from Long Island.” I honestly can’t tell you how many times I heard that. At one point he started yelling across the bar to the guy were walking to. “The Jets f**kin’ suck. I paid a hundred-fifty grand for the seat license, f**kin season tickets and they f**kin suck.” Note to these people: Please stop telling people you’re from Long Island; you’re giving us all a bad name.
We stayed until closing time, and then headed back to our room and went to bed. These beds are so comfortable, definitely one of the most comfortable I’ve been in at a hotel.
Shabbat morning we got up and headed to breakfast around 9:30. It was again at the Island Brasseries, but this time we sat indoors. As we observed people coming in I learned that clearly I had missed some sort of memo because every woman was wearing some sort of Lily Pulitzer item. It was pretty amazing to see. Shorts, Dresses, Bathing Suits, Hats, bags. I mean it was like Lily Pulitzer vomited on the Rosewood. We also happened to see CNN’s Sanjay Gupta walk in with his family. Celebrity sighting!
After breakfast we parked ourselves by the pool and enjoyed three hours of sun, or rather the last three hours of sun we would see for the rest of our vacation. It got cloudy around 1:30 and the pool guys came around to tell everyone there was a lightning storm coming and everyone had to get out of the pool.
We went in for Lunch/afternoon tea at the Conservatory. Our friend from last night was there again in his same seat. As we sat down we looked out the window and saw what looked like a hurricane; constant thunder and lightning and crazy wind and rain. The Conservatory got crowded as I guess everyone had the same idea. We had a bit of a wait so we took a chessboard that was sitting on a table and played a game of chess. I lost, but that was fair given it was my first time ever playing chess. I got a veggie burger and Tzvi had the afternoon tea. He had little cones with tuna tartare, beets and goat cheese (they love their goat cheese here) and mozzarella and tomatoes, and little tea sandwiches with egg salad, salmon and cucumbers. He also got a box with little pastries and scones and clotted cream.
The rest of the day was spent observing the rain. We actually went back to the pool and laid under the umbrellas, while it was lightly raining. Then came the second round of lighting so we decided to move inside again. We took up seats again in the Conservatory, ordered a gin and tonic and sat reading for a while. I finished the new Daniel Silva book I had started that morning. Pretty good. Our reinsurance friend was still at the bar, talking to more people. He told us it never storms like this in August, or in Bermuda in general, so we just got lucky. Around 6:00 a guy named Mike started playing music. He complimented Tzvi’s shirt. He played a ukulele and was pretty good.
Eventually we went back to the room and got ready for dinner. Tonight’s dinner was at Sul Verde, the Italian restaurant at the hotel, except, of course you have to take a shuttle because it’s over at the golf club. We couldn’t push the reservation to after Shabbos so we had to walk. It wasn’t terrible, maybe 15 minutes, but shuttles kept stopping us asking us if we were okay, because apparently no one walks to dinner. At least we made it.
As we were walking in, a couple got off a shuttle and slid in ahead. We heard them tell the host that they had a reservation at 8:30 and they wanted to know if they could come in early. The host said of course and showed them to their table, of course the perfect corner booth table that we wanted and would have gotten if they would have stuck to their own reservation time. Also, she was pregnant and enjoying a large glass of wine. Am I judging? Of course. Next time don’t steal my table.
After moving past the table robbery, we enjoyed a great dinner. We had cocktails and shared a Caesar salad and a pizza. Then we shared salmon with ratatouille and pasta with arugula pesto and roasted eggplant. (Shabbos ended as the mains came, so the pictures pick up here.).
On our way out we saw the crass Long Islanders sitting at the bar eating their meal. The bar was entirely empty except for them. I don’t understand why they wouldn’t just sit at a table for dinner and rather opt to sit in an empty bar, but what do I know. We took a shuttle back and went back to our favorite spot, the Conservatory, for after dinner drinks and dessert. Our reinsurance friend was gone by now – he had to get to London – but Mike Hind was still playing music on his ukulele so we got to enjoy that. As we walked in he looked at Tzvi and said, “another great shirt!”
We took seats on a sofa and ordered desserts. We had a crème brule and a “Chocolate Tower” which we’d seen on every menu all weekend but hadn’t had because our waiter last night told us it wasn’t very popular. It was okay.
The ukulele player was great and was very good at interacting with the audience. Across from us was a group of English people, and who walked in and took seats at the bar but the couple from Long Island. They appeared to be pretty drunk already. At one point the guy went over to one of the British guys and said, “I know this guy! You’re from Brooklyn?”
The musician finished and the drunk Long Islanders sat down near us to talk to the British people. The guy was sitting to my left and the woman to Tzvi’s right. And then the guy turned to me and said, “where are you from?”
“Long Island,” I told him.
“F**k you! We’re from Long Island.”
I said, “I know.”
We weren’t big party animals in college, but we did go to a few parties and we dealt with our fair share of drunk people. In my life, I have never interacted with people as drunk as these two people from Long Island. The guy moved over and sat next to me, and I can’t really tell you everything he said because he was so drunk and slurring his words so badly that I couldn’t understand it all. When I told him I was from Lawrence he said I was “OG” and kept slurring, “Mudda Kellys, Mudda Kellys.”
“You know Chris Stefan? Chris Stefan’s dead. But you know Chris Stefan? My dad gave the eulogy at his funeral.”
When we asked what he did he said, “I’m an entrepreneur,” except he wasn’t really speaking with vowels so it came out more like “I’m an entrprnr.” Then he said his father was in Murder Incorporated and basically that he’s in the mob.
On the other side, Tzvi had a conversation with the woman. Then five minutes later he had the same exact conversation with her. First she said she’s a partner in a law firm and a divorce attorney. Then she found out Tzvi’s a lawyer and asked if he wanted to come work with her. He told her he does corporate law and he’s not looking to move, but she said, “I should give you my card. Maybe we can do business together.” Five minutes later she asked him what he did for a living.
At one point the guy very rudely snapped his fingers and got the bartender to come over and asked for four shots of clase azul, which is very expensive tequila. Thanks, I guess?
Finally they told us it was last call. We said goodnight to the bartender and expressed our apologies for her having to deal with people like this.
We walked around a few more minutes and checked out the DJ that was playing at the pool.
Then we went to our room, which is where I realized I had left my bag at the Conservatory. Tzvi went to get it, and on his way back he saw the Long Island man standing outside his room, banging on the door to be let in. Through the door she was yelling, “you’re scaring me!” Back in our room, Tzvi went out on the balcony, where he was able to hear them yelling. I have no idea what possibly could’ve happened in the ten minutes between leaving the bar and going back to our room, but from our balcony we heard them having the kind of fight, which I have never in my life heard two people have, but which they must do on a weekly basis.
“Get out of my room, you fat f**k!” she said over and over again.
He laughed and yelled something back but we couldn’t make it out. The curtains were half drawn so we couldn’t really see what was happening, but at one point we saw her kick him off the bed. He hit the ground with a loud thud. Then he yelled. Then we heard two loud bangs. Based on the noise I’m pretty sure he pounded the table, and not her, but then she started crying and he started laughing and making fun of her crying.
This went on for a while. I’m pretty shocked no one called the front desk to complain sooner, but given what he told us about this “connections” it wasn’t going to be us. We did see their neighbors open their balcony door to see what was up. After a while he went out on the balcony, and then we heard her make a phone call… to her parents… in New York. And these are grown adults, in their forties.
“Mom, dad, tell him to get out of my room. Dad, he needs to get out of my room. He’s getting physical with me, I want him out. Tell him.”
“I’m on the balcony. I’m not doin nuthin. She punched me in the face. I’m not doin nuthin.”
This went back and forth for a while. I think she locked him out on the balcony and then he actually broke the doors open. After that security seemed to show up because we could hear her explaining what was happening to another person, who he kept cursing at.
I don’t know how it ended. It was too late and we needed to go to sleep.
What a night.
We got up Sunday morning around 8:30 and opened the shades to find another cloudy and rainy day! I wanted to explore Hamilton, but it was not great weather and it would have cost 50 dollars each way to get there, only to be there for an hour and a half, so I was outvoted and we stayed at the hotel.
We had breakfast at the Island Brasserie again – I had scrambled eggs, Tzvi had poached eggs with a cod cake (apparently a classic Bermuda dish) and we shared French toast – and then hung out by the pool. It was cloudy, but still warm. It rained a little, and then just as we were about to leave the sun came out. We did see Mr. Long Island walk by, so I guess he wasn’t thrown out of the hotel.
The flight was delayed but only by 20 minutes or so. At 12:45 we took a cab to the airport. Aside from the slow security line, the airport was fine and the flight was fine. It's just that air travel has become such a horrible and dehumanizing experience. You wait in one line to wait in another line, to crowd around the gate, and everyone who works for the airline or the TSA or the airport is so miserable. We overheard one man say that “this is why we really should be flying private.” I don’t disagree.
We landed at LaGuardia, remembered why we don’t go to LaGuardia, and made our way home. It was nice to be away for the weekend and I have no complaints about it, but in the end it was less than 48 hours in Bermuda.
Next time I need another day.
Oh, and in case anyone is wondering, emancipation was in 1834.